If your loved one refuses to seek help, it will be all the more important for you to seek support and to give thought to any boundaries you will need to set around your loved one’s use to take care of yourself.
This is a heartbreaking scenario, but it happens.
Addiction is a very challenging disease for everyone involved. You will still need to do all the things that ensure that your addicted loved one does not control everything in your life and to build a life outside of this issue to the best of your ability.
It’s hard to give these suggestions because this outcome is so heartbreaking, so know that you will also need to allow yourself to grieve.
My mother has never acknowledged that she has any kind of problem, nor sought any treatment for it, and she is both addicted to prescription drugs and has a serious mental illness.
I used to think she needed to recover and to realize all the pain she was causing me in order for me to be OK. I honestly thought that if she didn’t recover, and if she didn’t change, I would never survive the pain of that.
And I made myself crazy trying to get her to see the problem and to change, and I’m the one who ended up severely depressed and on antidepressants because I couldn’t get her to see what she was doing. I just honestly thought it would kill me.
But what I didn’t realize was how much my heart could hold. Yes, there is this significant grief in my heart, but there is also so much more to my life.
My mother’s refusal to recover is this burden I will carry. And she is
likely to die of her addiction or from complications from it. And the day that happens is going to be a sucky day indeed.
But I won’t have to walk through that alone. And I have many other fulfilling things going on in my life that give my life purpose and meaning. And I also have my mother.
And when she dies, I will certainly grieve the mother I never had, but I will also be relieved the mother I did have is gone. The journey with her has not been fun.
I sincerely hope your loved one chooses to recover, but if they do not, it will also be helpful for you to seek support from people whose loved one’s have also chosen not to recover so you have people who can relate and who can help you specifically with those challenges.
And, never say never. Your loved one may simply be saying no to recovery today.